Oh girl. Overcome by comparison and determined to simultaneously blend in and stand out so you won’t be too much like them, yet just camouflaged enough to be safe and secure.
You are finding your worth in rude comments by immature boys that both bolster you and bruise you. You don’t think you care, but you do. And if only you could know you are so much more than the sum of their words.
You are crippled by the big-sister burden you carry. You are chained to adult-sized responsibilities for the way you behave and think and the example you set and you just need someone to remind you that you’re a child. It’s okay to be a child. Take a deep breath and rest; the responsibility is not yours to bear.
You are striving for perfection in your spiritual walk and fearful that a misstep will send you outside of the will of God. Your misperception of who He is convinces you that He is just as happy to let you stray. You don’t know that this God is radically obsessed with you, and just like a shepherd pursuing his sheep, He is there to gently guide you to exactly where He wants you. Don’t think you are powerful enough to ruin His purpose for you. Oh no, your view of Him right now is so small. You may be fearful of Him, but you haven’t even begun to grasp His vastness and sovereignty. What He has purposed will come to pass; you’re just along for the ride.
You think because you are a girl, your leadership opportunities are limited. You fear any momentary lapse in spiritual “headship” to the point that you miss the intimacy into which the King of the universe is drawing you. You are going to be used for big things as you embrace big opportunities the Lord presents you with, and some of them will surprise you! Enjoy the process. Have fun on the ride. His plans for you are good.
You feel insignificant, but in Him you have a name and identity worthy of significance.
You feel forgotten, but He will never leave or forsake you.
You feel unseen, but He sees every part of you and every tear you cry. And He promises those tears you sow will be reaped in joy.
He is good, and life can be hard. You think you know those things, but you are just beginning to taste them. There is so much depth you have yet to experience, and you’ll find that the more life is hard, the more you know His goodness.
Hold on, 14 year old me. There are truly beautiful things ahead.